Woody’s is quite possibly Toronto’s most famous gay bar, especially if you’re a fan of “Queer as Folk”!

It’s even fun to go here on the quiet afternoon. There’s a pool table, the daytime music is good, and the DJ’s that arrive later are always hot. There are monitors playing in the background, with usually some sort of porn. The bar chairs are comfy, and there are tables as well if you’re meeting friends. If it was your house you would never want to move, but it’s not your house, it’s Woody’s!

When people do leave, there seems to be a thing where they give hugs. This ritual is different than many straight bars, where they only give hugs and physical contact when they win the soccer game, or if you fall off your chair at the end of the night. So it’s nice. The bartenders are very pleasant and professional. If you order a drink, they kinda go, “Whut? Could you slow down and say that in sexy?” Then when you slow down and say it in sexy they ask you if you want a glass with ice as well.

There are always parties here, especially on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday night. Basically all nights. Wednesday has an 11pm show w Carlota Carlisle and Katinka Kature, with DJ Mark Falco. They have their famous Best Chest, Best Ass, Best Legs nights, in that anatomical order I believe, from Thursday to Saturday.

Fortunately, there are quite a few stairs in the front of the bar, so by running in and out for cigarettes and errands a few times you will soon have your desired astro glutes. Best Ass is on Fridays and is often hosted by the super charming Georgia Girl, who is doing her own Sunday show starting @ 9pm. There is also a Sweet Ass Saturday, hosted by Sofonda Cox w DJ Chris Steinbach.

If you have the sudden idea that you have Best Chest or anything else Best, I think you just sign up. The posters do seem to emphasize the male physique, so if you are female who tosses back a drink and decides you want to compete for Best Chest, I have no idea what would actually happen. I believe these nice people would try to politely accommodate you, but they might also encourage you to run down the street and bare your competition-worthy chest at a lesbian venue, which could cause you unforgettable triumph or tribulation, depending on the place. So it’s basically for Gay men in Woody’s.

While there, I encountered a dude I knew from outside of Woody’s. I thought “oh, terrific, he thinks I’m going to ‘out’ him”, but then I reminded myself he was a world-famous gay icon. I drifted back past him after he was 2/3 through his first beer. To my surprise he was quite friendly. I’ll remember this trick for the future. Oh, and I also thought I saw Simon Cowell sitting in the back, but I’m not starting any rumours here.

The beautiful Miss Conception, long a feature at Woody’s, has a Hollywoody Broadway show on Sundays 6-8. There’s also a fundraiser for the PWA food program hosted by Heroine Marks, with performances from 20 Toronto entertainers starts at10 pm on Tuesday, Dec 20. Also, the bartender told me there is a huge Boxing Day Party coming up, and a number of other events around Christmas. Check out Woody’s for festivities. They are looking forward to meeting you.


About the Author

SK Dyment has been a cartoonist and illustrator for many years and has been published in over two dozen Canadian indy magazines and journals. SK loves sketching passing interpretations of intriguing people in pen-and-ink, and is often seen attending various activist-oriented events around Toronto. He is also available for quick illustrations of all sorts as well as more serious forms of illustration. SK Dyment maintains a website @ www.graphicrecording.ca