Unplucked: Chronicles of A Wallflower
Five NAKED Reasons to Attend Bone Island Key West
Daddies, twinks, bears, and naturists all escaped the biting winter of up north to splash down at Key West’s biannual Bone Island festivities this past month. The all-men, mostly clothing optional, lineup maximizes on the event’s core entertainment elements and geographically advantageous positioning to deliver continually booming shenanigans. Here are five NAKED reasons you may want to attend next year.
Naked Realtor. Your host for the weekend-long shenanigans is the popular local real estate agent and naturist, Dean Townsend, aka The Naked Realtor. Charming, towering, and with just a tad of a wicked glimmer in his eye, Townsend has leveraged his knowledge of and connections to the community to secure access to some of the best gay downtown locations. Those capable of being blocked off from the wandering eyes of the public to enable clothing optional debauchery. In perhaps the greatest form of testimony any event organizer can hope for, Townsend met his current husband at one of Bone Island’s earliest iterations. This naked realtor is absolutely the hidden gem of his own event. Search for him in his birthday suit and signature hat. Ask him for advice on looking into property in the Keys and Puerto Vallarta.
After-hours. Some come for the main events. Most live for the after parties. In Key West where most bars do not sound last-call until 4AMl and where the all-male resorts like Island House are staffed around the clock with a 24-hour bar and cafe, revellers have plenty of opportunities to extend their adventures into the wee hours. Get a to-go cup for your drink and explore the city’s famous Pink Triangle, or ride the Duval Loop through Oldtown in the hopes of discovering one of a few “secret” local dive bars.
Kink. 1 Saloon — the men only brother companion to the popular 801 Bourbon bar and drag show complex — continues to be popularized for a certain seedy and “leather” vibe that its tight quarters effuses. Not to mention another hot spot and actual purveyor of leather goods: Leather Master of Key West. Both locations host Bone Island exclusive events and — by virtue of their aesthetics and available props and submission devices — encourage patrons to explore their kink and fetish lifestyles. Be sure to investigate the enclosed outdoor patio at 1 Saloon.
Equalizing. As host Dean Townsend put it, “there’s something about being naked that levels the playing field.” It’s true. Based on my observations at almost every category of events hosted — mixers, pool parties, clubbing, and even bingo — the crowd of men at Bone Island is eclectic. There were attorneys, educators, artists, retirees, and of course realtors. The body sizes ranged from vivid v-cuts to brag-worthy bellies. While of course there were a few that opted to strip down in the privacy of a corner or after the lines had thinned out, there’s no denying the look of ease across their faces once they slipped into the crowds. No one is here to hand out scorecards on your birthday suit. Remember that.
Deep discounts. In Touch. Graffiti. Leather Master. All capable of outfitting you in handcrafted harnesses or funky clubwear. Weekend Pass holders receive steep discounts on all merchandise in addition to private clothing optional events that eliminate the need for dashes to the changing room. Though I suspect the store owners might appreciate one wearing at least a pair of bottoms underneath store clothing. Inspect the sexy greeting cards over at In Touch and see if you can identify any of the nude local models.
About the Author
Kevin Assam has no qualms asking uncomfortable questions and disarming even the most tight lipped of interview subjects. When he is isn’t busy exploring absurd situations he likes to put his penchant for creative content to use. He has a few interesting accomplishments under his imaginary belt. His size 28 pants are tight enough without any waist constricting devices. Ask him about that time he went to Key West.